Mayores de 40

[lamie]

Mayores de 40

Dear Mifune
thanks for asking how I am....I'm rather sad at the moment. My partner and I argue a lot. He suddenly tells me, that he never wanted all these treatments, and that I forced him into this!!! It's completely unfair! And I feel, that I do it all for him...it's a vicious circle;

I'm afraid of lunch with his brother and sister in law this monday; his best friend with girl friend are also invited, and I have a feeling they will announce something important...if you know what I mean.

I would have gone home to my family in DK during Easter, but also needed some time to rest and get some energy, and now I spend time crying and arguing most of the time. My partner refuses double donation, which I suspect is the only chance we have left. He gets completely agressive when I even mention it and refuses to even consider the thougth; And suddenly I don't know what is most important in my life any more; A child at any price? or a love story that I feel is falling apart because these treatments have taken so much hope away from us? I begin regretting that I even started walking down this road...It kills me to see pregnant women and babies around me...

Otherwise, I can tell that I expect the results of the ERA biopsy and the triple panel testing next week; It'll probably tell nothing; I really think that I could manage a lot more if only I felt that I could lean 100% to my man, but I feel he quits when the going gets tough; And I just can't stand seeing him so crazy about his two years old niece when he doesnt want to do every thing to make my dream of having my own family come true...Sorry for beeing so sinister, It's just a bit tough right now.

wish you and everyone else here on the IVI Forum a happy Easter

love

Lamie

lamie2012-04-07 15:49:39

[Mifune]

Mayores de 40

Dear Lamie,
how sorry to hear about you so sad. I understand perfectly when you tell about people that are becoming mother and father. I have the same feeling.

Everybody around me, family, friends have reach the goal while my countdown is still on going. The lunch tomorrow: be strong. Think about you, doing the same thing soon (to tell your friends you are pregnant) When I feel very sad, I usually do this: dream while I am awake...It helps to withstand the moment.

Don´t give up Lamie. You deserve it. I think about you in next few months telling us complete different news.

About your partner, I think he has been very unfair telling you those things and I can see how much you love him. You need time to put each thing in its right place. Do not feel stressed about decisions and time. I think that when the moment will come you will take the right way.

Let´s wait together for the test results. One step more Lamie. After this there will be another and finally you will find the way (Valencia, Madrid, whatever...).

I sent to you lots of love

[lamie]

Mayores de 40

Dear Mifune
thank you so much for your support and understanding. It's wonderful to know that someone out there sends me her energy and fully understands me. You will help me through this difficult day.

Thank you[IMG]smileys/smiley27.gif[/IMG]

Lamie

[revalc]

Mayores de 40

Hola a todas... y por supuesto a Mister.

Las que hayáis tenido vacaciones espero que las disfrutaseis. Yo sólo he tenido los días de fiesta y entre la lluevia y que he estado (y sigo un poco) con fiebre y tos, pues regular, pero no me quejo. Mi madre y mi hermano pequeño han echado una mano con la niña.

El otro día estaba tan cansada y ya no sabía que hacer, que la junté todos los zapatos que tiene (entre regalos, prestados etc más de quince pares) y la dejé que se los probara y jugara lo quisiera. Y ella feliz como una perdiz.

Mifune, yo también intentaba visualizarme embarazada, como sería con la niña, mi día a día etc. Sin obsesionarme pero a mi si me ayudaba a pensar que podía pasar...

Dear Lamie, sorry to hear you are going through a hard time with your partner. It must be really difficult tp explain everything to someone, because sometimes it is even difficult to understamnd for ourselves (at least for me).

I know what it feels when everyone around you is pregnant. One of my sisters in law was pregnant when I was once (but I lost the baby), and after my miscarriage she kept complainign for absolutely everyting related to the pregnancy even when I was around. More than once I had to leave a room beacuse I did not wnat any one seeing me crying.

Only thing I can tell you, is that everything goes with the time (not sure if you will understand what I mean). Try to be realistic, but positive and think that any step is one step closer toi your goal.

Al resto (Izzy, Mai , Vivico, ROsa, England etc) espero que os vaya muybien con los estudios, embarazos, tratamientos etc.

[lamie]

Mayores de 40

Hi Girls and mister

just to inform you, that IVIOMICS in Valencia has sent me an email with the result of the ERA-biopsy, saying that my endometrium was receptive at the time the biopsy was done (7 days after ovulation), so that means, that there is no answer to the question why there is never any implantation. So no solution there. Just a bill to pay: 250 Euros for the exam and 75 euros for sending the little biopsy with DHL to Spain I didn't expect any revelation, but I had hoped for a small explanation of the missing implantation. I guess I just am a desperate case....

I still await the Triple Panel Testing result (blood test done here in Belgium). I expect the results any time, but I would be surprised if it reveals any thing.

I wonder if the ERA-test means that next transfer should be done in a natural circle??? I'll await Velascos judgement. He promissed to get back to me as soon as he received the results. Haven't heard from him yet. Interesting to see, when he will get back to me...

I would have preferred to have the biopsy done under progynova, since transfer is mostly done under hormonal treatment. I did mention it to Velasco but he insisted on having it done in a natural cycle...

Revalc thank you for your thoughts and support and sharing with me. I hope you had more support from your partner, when you had to leave the table for not crying in front of every one, than I have. He gets very upset because it makes people feel "badly" when I leave the room. As he puts it: "it's not their fault you can't get pregnant"!....Is that so? As if that was the reason why I leave!!! But some times it's just too much to sit there and witness all that joy and harmony when you feel that everything in you is falling apart. And it's so frustrating not to be understood by the one who is closets to you in this battle.

Mifune, I've sent you a PM. I hope you have received it.

lots of love to my favourite friends here in the IVI world

Lamie
lamie2012-04-10 18:05:50

[england]

Mayores de 40

Lamie, so sorry to hear how you feel, I can only say that I could only go through all this either on my own, with no partner at all, or like I did it , with the strong support of my partner, I am not sure that I would have the strength to argue with my loved man about something that is so frustrating. Don´t know what to say or what I would do in your shoes but I believe that you have gone too far to give up now. Think carefully on your relationship and realize if "baby theme" is the only arguing point or if this is showing some other problems. Do you know what it helps me a lot? making lists, one with what you expect of having a baby even if that would cause you the end of the relationship and other with what you expect of your relationship in the future without a baby. Those lists are not magic but help me to think with clarity.

Y chicas y chicos PERDON! por tardar tanto en escribir, el bebe esta precioso, sigue creciendo y aunque esta pequeñito el desarrollo es normal y esta espabiladisimo, toda la familia le adoramos.

Solo palabras de animo y fuerza para todas, cada vez que le miro me digo "el que la sigue la consigue" y es que nos ha costado 8 años de tratamientos, penas, desilusiones, dolor y por fin esta gran alegria.

Os sigo leyendo cuando pueda para ver como vais y si pueso echar una mano con alguna consulta.
besos

[Mifune]

Mayores de 40

Lamie, I have received it!! Thank you very much. You are lovely.

Revalc, que graciosa me parece tu niña!. Y England, os agradezco mucho a las dos que sigais escribiendo en el foro. Gracias por el esfuerzo.



Izzy, espero que te esté yendo de fábula y cundiendo mucho los estudios.

Un beso a todos. Me voy a dormir y mañana más pero por favor que sea mejor (un mal día hoy...)

[lamie]

Mayores de 40

Hi everyone

I've finally received the blood test result. I would like to know, if any of you has an idea if the result could explain the failing implantations? : "carrier of the 677C>T substitution in the MTHFR gene"



big hug

Lamie
lamie2012-04-13 18:14:43

[Izzy]

Mayores de 40

Mifune, bonita, qué tal todo??? Sí, la Semana Santa me la tomé enterita de descanso y ahora ya he vuelto a la rutina, ufff, qué cuesta arriba se hace! Qué tal tú?? Ya más animada?? Que la última vez que escribiste habías tenido un mal día. Espero que ya mejor!

[revalc]

Mayores de 40

Hola a todas,

First Lamie, I don't know about your result, but there is a post named Abortos de repetición, where people perhaps culd help you.

Buff I see that doing it with a partner is not easy either. When I was doing it on my own, I thought it was difficultm, but now I see, that the difficult part for me really was to overcome the shame I felt when I went there for the first time (I almost fekt that everybody at the clinic was staring at me).

IJust hope you will reach a decision, and if you decide to do it on your own, it can be done. Only thing, it will be you waking up every night

Ja ja Izzy, me encantan tus fotos. La terremoto anda estupenda, no me puedo quejar. ALguna vez mocos y tos, y algunas décimas pero nada más. EL otro día hizo pis en el orinal por primera (y por ahora única) vez y se moría de la risa de los saltos y los besos que la di. EN fin, es agotador, de verdad,. Pero con la semanita que he pasado en el curro y las que me temo me esperan, su sonrisilla esta noche cuando no se quería dormir, me ha quitado las penas al menos por un buen rato.

Un abrazo a todas....

[Izzy]

Mayores de 40

Revalc, hubiera sido para veros cuando el orinal, . Tenéis que ser un caso la madre y la hija!!! Bien por la terremotillo, que se va haciendo mayor!!!!!!

Una sonrisita???

[lamie]

Mayores de 40

hi girls...and Mister
and a special thank your for your replies, Izzy and Revalc

Dr. Velasco has written to me from India to tell me that the mutation is not at all imortant but only means that I should take some extra B vitamin (folic acid and B vit. complex). I've been on high doses for years now, so it wasn`t the missing link after all, and it doesn't have an influence on implantation, so I'm back to square one.

Izzy: I know you think of me, and please know it's mutual. I hope you're fine! You seem to handle this battle much better than I do...

the quotes you mention make it sound as if I'm the one who wanted all this. It's actually the other way round. I've never really dreamt of beeing a mother! This might chock you, but when I divorced in 1999, I was quite relieved that I could make a clear cut with my ex-husband since we didn't have childrend together. I was 32 and had the life before me....Now, when I know what I didn't know by then, I have the feeling of beeing punished now for not really wanting children when I was younger and when I thought that getting pregnant would never be a problem for me....Have I gone wiser!!!!

I met my partner a year later and on the first date, he spoke about children! I was about to faint and most of all wanted to run away screaming! He kept asking me to stop taking the pill. I couldn't imagine us having a child together at that time (12 -10years ago, when he began asking), since we didn't live together yet. I was scared of not really having him by my side. It's a long story, but we are from two very different cultures, and I was afraid beeing dissapointed again. The divorce was tough and once bitten twice shy, you know; so I really needed some time to be sure, he was the one....when I finally let go of the pill I was 38, and now I can only tell myself how stupid I was to wait so long...and how unfair it is, when he yells at me, that he never wanted this. Does he think that I did??? I hate it!!! But what I want is to have a family with him. And I would have loved to be able to have that, without treatments. But now that I've turned down that path, I would just like the treatments to work....

So, yes, I can't help it. It does hurt, when I see pregnant women. In the begining, I could say to my self/ that's me in a year!....But now I've tried for 7 years without ever testing positive. Believe my: it's normal to feel a stich in your heart when something you want so badly doesn't come to you but seems to come to everyone else...

I ask my self all the questions you ask me. So I don't know. I really don't have all the answers. That`s why I need you guys to get some support and understanding. Because people who have never been down this road simply don't understand what we are going through. Sometimes I tell my self, that even my partner who has been witnissing the whole voyage somtimes says things that shouldn`t come out of the mouth of a man whose woman goes through fire and water for him to have this family he wanted so desperately, and that he made me want too....

I don't know what I want mostly: a child at any price? or a partner? I guess I just want both...but I can't so I have to deal with it and decide which one to choose...sounds easy....but it is difficult. Just don't know...

I now wait for the appointment with dr. Crespo in Valencia the 6th of June. I'm afraid she says: double donation. In that case, I have to make a very, very diffcult decision....

love

Lamie

lamie2012-04-15 1415

[Izzy]

Mayores de 40

Lamie, I've sent you a private message, ok??

A todasssssssss y a Mister, buenas noches!!! Felices sueños!!!

[leonita]

Mayores de 40

Hola Izzy, vengo de la clínica, el viernes tengo la punción. Mañana me llamaran para decirme la hora;
No han citado a mi marido para que deje una 'muestra' y a nosotros se nos ha olvidado preguntar.

Estoy como alelada, me gustaría estar más contenta pero la Doctora ha dicho que hay un mónton de obstáculos para conseguir el emabrazo, que hay que ver si hay ovulos, que luego tienen que ser de calidad, tienen que ser fecundados...

Me voy al trabajo y de momento doy gracias por el pasito que he dado.

Muchos besos y féliz día

[Izzy]

Mayores de 40

Hola Leonita! Te has animado a venirte al foro de las cuarentañeras, eh?? Muy bienvenida!!!! Ehhh, así que este viernes ya tienes punción!!! Eso es un gran paso! Te lo digo yo que nunca he conseguido llegar! Como mañana te van a llamar para decirte la hora, pregunta ya lo de tu marido. Venga, tienes que estar contenta y claro que hay obstáculos para conseguirlo pero ya los iremos superando según se nos vayan presentando, vale?? Pasito a pasito es como se hacen aquí las cosas y, desde luego, hay que armarse de paciencia y ser optimista y tener fe en que lo conseguiremos, vale??? Venga, muuuchos besitos y ya nos vas contando. Izzy2012-04-17 15:40:37